I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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