I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
