You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
