I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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