You smell like stripper and shame
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
