Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
