My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
