someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
