Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
