Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
