She is in my trunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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