I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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