Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
