Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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