the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
