You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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