I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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