so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I faked an abortion last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
