dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
