I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
