I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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