Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
