I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
