i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I understand Curling. That high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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