She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ttyl tear gas
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
