i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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