Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
