Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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