I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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