at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
did i walk over a car last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
