You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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