Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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