Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He felt like a one man threesome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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