im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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