I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
