Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
