the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
