This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
