just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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