Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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