no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this just has baby written all over it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
