I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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