It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
