Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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