Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
