y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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