Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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