I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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