oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
