hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
