then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
