i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize