HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
