Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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