We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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