ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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