I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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