HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
