HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
