So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
