...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
