My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Welp...herpes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
