Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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