WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
